


Before He Started Walking

by prayformalec



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Edom Angst (Shadowhunter Chronicles), Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-19 09:11:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14234019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prayformalec/pseuds/prayformalec
Summary: He thought about the last time he heard Alexander laugh.





	Before He Started Walking

It could have been five minutes or five days since he walked through the portal. The magic crackling in the air felt demonic but familiar— _was it his? Is this how his magic feels here?_ Static wind crashed into his lungs and filled his bones with a sense of urgency that either meant _you don’t belong here_ or _welcome home_ , and he didn’t know which one scared him more.

He stood silently. His eyes easily swept the blank terrain, but the divots in the sand reminded him of dimples, and the long shadows became smile lines that only appeared during laughter.

He thought about the last time he heard Alexander laugh.

He thought about the last time he pressed their palms together, perfecting the placement a little more each time they held hands. He thought about playing with Madzie together, thought about waking up to overcooked breakfast, thought about shared showers and soft kisses and whispered secrets. He thought about the omamori in his pocket—

His hand violently jerked of its own accord into his jacket. The soft edges of the charm, enchanted to never fray, reminded him of breathless snores during early mornings and whispers of feathery hair under his nose. It reminded him of why he was here.

At some point, the ground rushed up to meet him, but he wasn’t sure how long he had been laying on his back. The sky looked the same as the landscape: distant and apathetic. It was a stark difference from gold silk sheets, low ceilings, and hazel eyes. He missed the latter the most.

Had it been long enough for him to miss anything? The pregnant charge in the air indicated the presence of very powerful magic, which could be residue from the portal. But in Edom, with everything saturated with energy, such a presence begs the question again, _“Is this his magic? Is this how it’s supposed to feel, all the time?”_

If his magic usually felt like a well-kept water tap that could be turned off and on with ease, then this was thick oil that expanded and filled whatever space it occupied until it had nowhere to go but out. It pressed against his every pore, threatening to seep through like drops of blood that would blend into the red rocks beneath him. He suddenly understood his father in ways he never thought he would and never wanted to. His fingers twitched at the thought of releasing the pressure, but he pressed his hands into the hot sand, pleading with the earth to take the vile energy, drain it from his body, leaving him empty, broken— _take all of it, please, please, I’m begging, I can’t do this, not now, not without him._

His tears fell into the sky, and the pungent scent of wet dirt filled his nose as he realized that his face was actually pressed into the ground instead of looking up. He took a staggered breath, choking on mucus and soil that tasted much too sour to be of Earth.

A few more breaths.

He dug his nails into the ground as he pushed himself to his feet, gritting his teeth against the sharp pains ricocheting through his chest. His legs almost gave out from under him, numb from disuse. _How long has he been here?_

The horizon looked the same as before, complete with dimples and smile lines.

He thought about the last time he heard Alexander laugh and started to walk.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on tumblr! @prayformalec


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